


In Circles (I Won't Save You)

by vagrantBreath



Series: Start the motion [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asphyxiation, Body Dysphoria, Galra Keith (Voltron), background shallance, everything to update as story progresses, impalment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7727560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he doesn't shave his ears, Keith has little tufts curling up off the top tips.</p><p>Kinda like a-</p><p>(He can't be a Galra. Not here.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was no getting around it: Keith would have to shave his ears.

He had gotten complacent since he had been expelled from the Garrison. No need to shave off inhuman tufts of hair, no need to clip nails far too sharp. When Shiro came back, his tufts had already started to get too long. And now... Keith carefully pushed back his hair, looking at the mocking tuft of hair curling up around the shell. It almost made his ears look pointed, animalistic.

If he didn’t know any better, _Galra._

But he wasn’t. There was no part of him that was furry other than his ears. His ears weren’t even purple. Whatever non-human blood ran through his veins, it wasn’t Galra.

He shuddered. Not human. He knew it ever since the hair on his ears started to grow and curl upward as he grew into a teen. And the nails... always clipped short. Always. Ever since he nearly took out a kid’s eye in the orphanage with them.

Maybe it was time to find out. Maybe it was time to stop shaving his ears and find out what he really was.

Keith snorted, letting his hair drop back, barely covering the tufts. Lance would have a field day with that. His rival wasn’t human, oh no. Not like the princess they were following (and possibly dating. Keith really wasn’t sure what the situation was between Lance, Shiro, and Allura anymore) and her man-at-arms weren’t human, oh no. It was such a big deal that his _rival_ and a fellow Paladin wasn’t human.

But... the Galra’s ears came back to him. The curve, the point. Keith’s eyes focused on the barely hidden curls, so visible to his watchful eye.

No, he wasn’t Galra.

(He couldn’t be.)

Keith stared at his ears.

Then went about finding a razor to shave the tufts.

* * *

He could ask Coran to help him run medical tests on himself. Find out what he was. See what flavor of alien he was, put to rest the thought he might be Galra.

He could also deep throat a cactus.

(He might be Galra.)

(He couldn’t be Galra. Not here.)

* * *

_”You fight like a Galra...”_

His ear tufts were getting long again. If he let them go any longer, they’d poke out from under his hair.

_”... like a Galra...”_

He needed to shave them.

(He needed to stop looking like a Galra. Stop fighting like one. Stop being one.)

* * *

Keith dropped to one knee, breathing hard as the gladiator fell. He had really pushed himself for this one. It would probably be for the best if he didn’t go any further. Slowly, he started to stand, forcing his legs to cooperate with him. One step. Two.

Then he slipped, crashing to the ground.

Damn it. He had overdone it.

Normally, training would clear his mind. This time, his mind wouldn’t stop thinking. Thinking about the hair on his ears, curling up in the tufts he needed to shave soon. The way Shiro would stop occasionally, staring oddly at him, at his ears, his eyes starting to turn far away before Lance would gently touch his hand or Allura would call his name. He was alien, not human. He knew that, and had to accept it. But the way Shiro would look at him-

(He wasn’t Galra - he might be Galra - _he wasn’t Galra._ )

Keith slammed a fist into the ground, pushing himself up. Slowly, he started to make his way out, weaving towards his room.

He wasn’t Galra, damn it. He was just some kind of alien that he needed to get over his fear of possibly being Galra and ask Coran if he could help him find out what he was.

”Keith?” He paused at Lance’s voice, one hand coming up to hold the wall. Damn it, he wanted to just go back to his room and lay down. “Man, you look like you went ten rounds.”

”Eleven,” he grunted.

”Eleven, riiiight. Well, don’t- whoa!” Lance danced out of the way as Keith tried to take a step, and instantly fell to the ground. “Don’t do that! Geez, you really did go overboard today, didn’t you.”

Keith grunted again, pushing himself up. His right ankle was starting to hurt. Damn it. He needed to rest, and not be verbally sparring with Lance. Keith started to take a step, then looked over at Lance in surprise as the other teen came up beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist to support him. “You idiot,” Lance grumbled, annoyed. “Come on. Let’s get you to your room.”

There was no reason to tell him no. Keith carefully took another step, hissing as he felt his ankle twinge. “It’s nothing,” he told Lance. “Just need an ice pack and I’ll be fine.”

”What, did you now twist your ankle or something? You’re just that high maintenance.”

”Hey now,” Keith protested, feeling Lance squeeze him slightly as he saw him smirk out of the corner of his eye.

”Come on. Let’s go ice that ankle so I can properly beat you in training tomorrow.”

That made Keith snort. “I could beat you even with a handicap.”

Lance’s spluttering was priceless.

* * *

When the ear tufts started growing in, he had thought he might be some kind of cat alien. They looked like cat ears in a way. Almost like a lynx.

And then he saw cat aliens.

(They were Galra.)

He needed to shave his ears.


	2. Chapter 2

They wouldn’t stop coming. The Galra. More and more, out of that ship.

Keith welcomed them all.

They were a menace to the universe. The ones he had been tasked to defeat. Of course he wouldn’t back down from this fight. He wouldn’t run just because there were more and more of them. They could form Voltron! No Galra could stand in their way.

No more strange monsters had come after them in a while. Something had happened, or they were working on something even bigger. Whatever it was, they would be ready. They were the Paladins of Voltron. They could take anything.

(He was fighting Galra. He was a Galra - No he wasn’t. He wasn’t Galra.)

They’d win.

(He’d win.)

* * *

A punching bag. That was good. He needed that. He needed to be stronger. Better.

(Wild. Like a Galra.)

Keith slammed his fists into the bag, trying to use the sound of the impact to drown out his thoughts.

(You’re going to lose control again.)

* * *

Was Shiro looking at his ears? Did he remember to shave them?

Keith resisted the urge to touch his ears. No, if he didn’t remember, he didn’t want to draw attention to them now. He turned his attention back to his food, his heart pounding.

(Draw no attention to yourself. Draw no attention to your ears. Draw no attention to the fact you’re a Galra - _might_ be a Galra.)

”Yo.” Lance looked over at him, mouth full. “You gonna eat that?”

Keith stared at him for a moment, then pushed his plate at him. “Pig out to your heart’s content.”

”Cool.” Lance started eating off his plate, pulling a disgusted look from Pidge.

”At least put it on your own first!”

”I’m going to go with nah.” He grinned at Pidge, and Keith snorted as she rolled her eyes.

”Don’t come crying to me when you have a stomach ache while sparring with Shiro and Allura tonight,” Pidge said, her voice turning sly at the end.

Lance paused, then delicately put his spoon down, blushing something fierce.

”Pidge,” Shiro sighed, which just made her grin wickedly.

”What? You’ve been saying you want to spar with Lance more. I just mentioned that. Geez, your brain is so dirty.”

(He wanted to protect these people. They were family.)

Keith stood up.

Everyone looked up at him. “Is something wrong?” Shiro asked, his voice turning from annoyance to concern.

”No, I just have things to do.”

(His tufts were getting long.)

* * *

He wasn’t Galra.

(He could be Galra.)

He wasn’t.

(He might be.)

* * *

Lance helped the weakened otter girl onto the escape pod as Shiro and Keith stood guard. Her family took her into their arms, holding her tightly as Lance shut the pod and pushed the button, dropping it from the Galra ship. “I think that’s all of them,” he said grimly.

Shiro nodded. “We should get back to our Lions,” he told them. “Let’s go.”

(It was too quiet.)

Keith nodded, following Shiro’s lead. Lance followed them, his bayard’s gun at the ready.

( _It’s too quiet._ )

The bomb took them all by surprise. Keith lifted his arm, instinctively shielding his eyes from the blast. He felt Lance stumble, and heard Shiro’s arm come to life.

Of course the Galra attacked right after. It was natural. Just as it was natural for Keith to meet the attack with his blade, and for the fight to begin. Everything flowed, in a perfect (animalistic) (Galra) way, making him grin as he got the upper hand, as he-

The Galra soldier kicked him back, and pain was his entire world. Slowly, Keith looked down, taking in the twisted piece of rebar sticking out of his stomach. Through his stomach. Of course. They had blown out a wall. Walls were reinforced with rebar. He managed to keep a hold on his sword as Lance shot the soldier, then started cursing in Spanish as he came over. “Shiro. Shiro, Keith’s-!”

Shiro’s eyes were wide as he took in Keith. Keith, impaled on a stupid piece of rebar. He groaned, starting to pull himself off the metal rod before pain caused him to stop, panting.

”Don’t move.” Lance swallowed, his hand shaking as he touched Keith’s shoulder. “Why the quiznak aren’t our suits armored over our stomachs?! Shiro, help!”

”I need to move,” Keith gritted out. “We can’t stay here.” He managed to shove himself off the rebar, collapsing in a heap of pain. “I can fly out of here,” he whispered. “And then we can get to the cryopods. We can’t stay here.”

”Keith... Keith’s right,” Shiro finally said, his voice firming as his spoke. “It’s not far.”

Lance stared at Shiro, his face wide and shocked (but Keith got it. He got hurt on Shiro’s watch. If something happened to him- if Shiro found out he was Galra because of that- He wasn’t Galra!). “Shiro, he’s-”

”Going to need medical attention, and soon,” Shiro told him. “We need to move.”

Lance inhaled, then finally nodded. “Fine. C’mon impaled boy, we’re going home.”

(Home.)

* * *

(I can’t breathe.)

( _I can’t breathe._ )

( _Help me._ )

”-out, lay him down!”

”Keith, come on, breathe, breathe-”

(I can’t breathe.)

”Why would it do something like this to him? It’s never done anything like this to any of us!”

”M-maybe the Galra crystal...”

(Air blew into his lungs. Lips sealed over his, nose pinched shut. He knew what this was. But he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t-)

Keith gasped in a lungful of air, coughing on it. He felt someone settle back, and he opened his eyes, looking around. Everyone was looking at him, watching him gulp in breaths greedily. Finally, he relaxed, his breathing evening out. “What happened?” he rasped, one hand over his sore stomach.

”We don’t know,” Allura told him. “You were almost done when the cryopod started to malfunction. Your vitals suddenly dropped, and you- stopped breathing.”

(I can’t breathe.)

Keith closed his eyes. Almost done explains why his stomach was still sore. Slowly, he started to sit up, only to see Coran poking at the readout for the cryopod. Pidge looked over as well, her brow furrowing. “What is it?”

”Well, now- I could be wrong. Pidge, could you make sure this is reading correctly?”

Pidge shrugged, going over to him. She took one look at the readout, then froze. “I know what that word is in English. I’ve seen it in Altean enough to know what that is.” Slowly, she turned to Keith, her face and voice poisonous. “Why is this thing saying you’re Galra, Keith?”

Before he could do anything, Allura came over and shoved hair away from his ears to reveal the hairs growing upwards, still short. Still too long to be human.

”Because he’s part Galra,” she told them, her voice cold with anger.


	3. Chapter 3

(He was Galra.)

(He couldn’t be. _Not here._ Not fighting Galra. Not with Shiro.)

(Not with everyone staring at him.)

Keith took a shuddering breath as Allura let his hair fall back. He looked up at her, trying to gauge her next reaction.

The slap was anticipated.

”Whoa!” Lance held out a hand (but didn’t move to stop her. Of course he wouldn’t). “Allura. Maybe he’s just... a werewolf or something?”

”Werewolves don’t exist, Lance,” Pidge said, her voice flat.

”Aliens weren’t supposed to either, and we’re travelling with two! Maybe that’s what Keith is.”

”In my time, I’ve met a few half Galra.” Allura’s icy voice quieted everyone. “They seem to take the majority of their features from the non-Galra parent, but-” She knelt suddenly, seizing Keith’s hand. Her delicate brown thumb pressed into his thumb nail lightly, and a bead of blood welled up and dropped from the split skin. “There were always two things. Claws and ears.”

(Claws.)

Allura let him go.

No one spoke. Slowly, Keith looked up at everyone, his breathing still uneven ( _I can’t breathe_ ) as he took in everyone’s expression.

(He was Galra.)

(He was half-Galra.)

”I didn’t know,” he finally whispered. “I didn’t know I was Galra.”

”A likely story,” Coran started before Lance shook his head.

”Just tell us one thing. Did you know you weren’t human?”

He knew the silence was answer enough. But he had to verbally answer. “Yes,” Keith finally said, staring him in the face. “I knew I wasn’t human.”

The words struck everyone. Pidge turned right for the door, leaving. Everyone else except Shiro, Lance, and Allura did the same, leaving the three of them to stare down at him.

Finally, Lance touched Shiro and Allura’s hands, nodding to the door.

The silence after they left was deafening.

* * *

He needed to shave his ears.

They already knew, though.

* * *

Each sound of his fists hitting the punching bag couldn’t drown out his thoughts. He tried. With each punch, he tried to stop the circling thoughts.

(You’re Galra.)

(You’re the enemy.)

(You’re what Shiro _fears_.)

”I’m not,” he grit out, his next punch vibrating up his arm with the force.

(You’re _Galra_.)

”I’m not Galra!” Keith shouted, grabbing the punching bag. There was the sound of leather ripping under his nails (claws) but he didn’t care. “I’m not Galra,” he whispered, resting his head against the bag. “I’m...”

(You’re _Galra._ )

The bag ripped further under his shaking grip. “I’m not them.”

(Keep telling yourself that.)

* * *

No one was talking.

Keith never thought he would miss Lance’s mouthing off so much during dinner. Or having Shiro have to stop Pidge from winding Lance up to do something stupid. Or just the stupid sexual innuendos that would fly. But here they were, quietly eating.

Quietly watching him. Waiting for him to slip up.

Somehow, that soured dinner.

Keith finished eating, and started to stand. He was done.

”Time to crawl back into your hole?”

”Lance,” Pidge hissed, and obviously kicked him under the table.

He didn’t seem to care, and only stared at Keith. “So that was it? You’re done being barely sociable and now you’re going to crawl back into your hole?”

”What do you want, Lance?” Heat tainted every word, but Keith held himself still. “It’s not as if anyone was talking.”

”Maybe no one wanted to let a spy overhear our plans.”

”Lance,” Shiro barked out, angry. “That’s enough.”

”We’re all thinking it, aren’t we?” Lance started to stand, gesturing at Keith. “We have a half-Galra. And sometimes the Galra just appear at the weirdest time. Think it’s a coincidence?”

”And the fact I’ve fought in every battle and helped everyone win?” Keith shot back. “How does that fit into your little idea?”

”I don’t know? How does it fit into yours?”

Keith slammed his hands down onto the table, mouth opening in anger before a purple glow made it shut. Slowly, he sat back down, trying not to look at Shiro. At the way he held himself stiffly, his eyes wide and empty. He heard Lance talking softly to Shiro, bringing him back to himself, and the glow from his arm clicked off.

”Get out of here,” Pidge told him.

Keith stood again, quickly following Pidge’s command.

(You’re what Shiro fears.)

* * *

”I’m not Galra.”

(You are.)

”I’m not Galra.”

(You always have been.)

* * *

They haven’t formed Voltron since then.

Keith grit his teeth as his Lion dodged heavy fire. He could win this without Voltron. He could do this.

(He could prove to everyone he was trustworthy. That he wasn’t evil.)

(He needed to shave his ears.)


	4. Chapter 4

(They’re afraid of you.)

* * *

Keith laid back, one hand across his stomach. It had scarred. A nice reminder of that day, forever on his skin.

He hadn't seen Hunk in a long time. Pidge and Coran were working on something and didn't seem to acknowledge him. Shiro, Allura, and Lance...

(You’re Galra.)

(You know what the Galra did to Shiro.)

Keith rolled over, closing his eyes.

(You know what the Galra did to Allura's people.)

His teeth grit.

(What did you expect?)

* * *

(He heard the drip of his blood in the cockpit of his Lion in his dreams.)

(He heard Lance and Shiro’s panicked voices, both outside his Lion when he couldn't move and as they pulled him from the cryopod.)

(He heard Allura's cold voice declare him Galra.)

* * *

Keith looked up as he finished unwinding the tape from his hands. No one was usually down here in the training room at this time. Not even Shiro. And definitely not who just walked in, definitely not Lance.

”It’s all yours,” he told him. He had finished punching out the thoughts circling his brain. Keith picked up his towel, wiping his face and draping it across his neck as he started to leave.

”Yeah. Leave as always.”

Keith stopped. He shouldn't engage.

”Go. Run away.”

”What the fuck is your problem?” Keith finally asked, the words exploding as he turned to Lance. “Is it because I’m half-Galra? Can you not handle that?”

”Hell yeah it’s because you’re half-Galra!” Lance’s arms were shaking, and Keith noticed his hands were balled into fists. “I’m awake right now because Shiro woke me and Allura up with a nightmare, did you know that?”

(Shiro’s afraid of you.)

”I don't know of what, but I can guess!” Lance continued, staring him in the face. “You selling us out. You going crazy and killing us all. You getting hurt again. You suffocating in that cryopod and we can't get you out. You _dying_.”

(They’re afraid of me.)

(They’re afraid _for_ me.)

”And you won't stick around like this and- for all we know, you could be a spy! You won't tell us a fucking thing! If we had known you're half-Galra-” Lance broke off. “Hunk cleaned your Lion,” he said instead. “Did you know that? Have you thanked him yet? Have you even been back to your Lion?”

(He’s afraid.)

Lance suddenly sagged, rubbing a hand across his face. “We’re your friends,” he told him. “Doesn't that mean a fucking thing to you?”

”Of course it does,” Keith finally managed.

”Well, it doesn't seem like it.”

”Yeah, why do you think that is?” Keith fired back. “Ever since it came out I’m half-Galra, everyone's been treating me like I don't belong!”

”Maybe if you trusted us, we might not do that!”

(That was it. Trust.)

”You don't trust me.”

”You kept secrets. Are we supposed to believe you aren't anymore?”

”I didn't know I was Galra!” Keith yelled at him. “I didn't- want to know I was Galra.”

Lance just looked at him. Studying him. Taking in what he said. “Fine.” He nodded to the door. “I guess I got my answer.”

”And what was that?” Keith asked bitterly.

”You're a fucking moron that needs to learn social skills. I'm going to stay up a little longer. If Allura's looking for me, I’ll be in here.”

Keith nodded as Lance started to stretch, leaving.

(He’s afraid.)

(He’s afraid of what will happen to you.)

* * *

”Hey Keith, can you come with me for a minute?”

Pidge’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “What’s up?”

She waved him over, indicating he should follow her. “Follow me.” When he finally got up and walked over, she started down the hall. “Coran and I have been doing some modifications to the cryopods. Updating them since it seems anything different than what is ‘normal’” here, she made air quotes “will make them malfunction. So we need your DNA so my coding can be done.”

”Oh.” Keith shifted a little as he walked, rolling his shoulders. “So, a blood sample?”

”Yeah. Then you can get back to brooding or whatever you were doing when I found you.”

That made Keith laugh a little, a knot easing in his shoulders. “Thank you.”

Pidge grumbled, something akin to “wouldn’t have to do this if you just _told us_ ” coming in under her breath.

(They’re afraid for you.)

”How’d you hide your ears, anyway? I mean, I can see the hair now.”

”Shaved them.”

Pidge started laughing, almost hysterically. “Oh man. You shaved your-” She stopped, putting her hand against the wall. “You shaved your _ears_. I thought it was ridiculous women shaved their arms and pits. _Ears!_ ” She dissolved into laughter, doubling over as she did so.

(Trust.)

* * *

Shiro still wouldn’t look at him.


	5. Chapter 5

They needed to form Voltron. But they couldn’t.

(They’re still afraid of you. Lance still doesn’t exactly forgive you.)

(Shiro’s afraid of you.)

They needed to form Voltron.

* * *

Keith finally found Hunk in the kitchen.

He had found enough familiar materials to bake. Whatever it was, it smelled amazing. Awkward, he cleared his throat, making Hunk jump before whirling around to him. “Hey.”

”Oh. Uh. Hey, Keith.” Hunk rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “What’s up?”

(Trust. Trust them. Talk to them.)

”Lance told me you cleaned my Lion.” Keith took a deep breath, searching for the words. “I guess... thank you? I don’t know how I can really express how much I appreciate it.”

A greenish cast overtook Hunk’s face as Keith brought up the memory. “Y-yeah...” he said in a faint voice. “W-well... no one else was going to do it, and you... you were still a little hurt. And someone needed to help you.”

(To help you.)

A smile found its way on Keith’s face. “Thanks,” he told him. “I mean it.”

”Hey, Keith?” Hunk opened his mouth a few times, each time closing it without speaking. Finally, he said, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

(They’re your friends.)

(They’re afraid for you.)

”Yeah. I am too.”

* * *

He didn’t expect to ever see Allura again, or at least not outside anything mission related.

The fact she hunted him down and didn’t look angry doing it took him by surprise.

”Keith,” she started, clasping her hands in front of her. “I wish to apologize. I rather... overreacted when finding out your Galra heritage.”

(The Galra killed her mother. They murdered her people.)

”You’re a Paladin of Voltron. Despite being half-Galra, you would never harm us. You have never shown a reason to.” Allura smiled at him, her face soft. “I don’t wish to have any friction between us. I apologize, Keith.”

(She’s apologizing.)

(She’s afraid.)

(She’s being strong.)

”I’m sorry too, Allura,” he told her. “I should have told you I suspected I wasn’t human. We would have known earlier I was Galra, and we could have worked this out already.”

Her smile grew more genuine. “Now we know.”

(She’s stronger than me.)

* * *

Sparring with the gladiators seemed like a good idea at the time. Keith needed something a little more active than just punching a bag. Something that required thought, dexterity, his sword. He thought it would be a good idea to help him relax.

His entire body hurt as he slowly started to stand again. He should have stopped already. But he wasn’t done. He needed to finish this level. Breathing heavily, Keith finally got his feet under him, only to have to block a blow. The impact shuddered up his arm from his sloppy block, forcing his arm aside.

The next impact to his side brought a crack and pain, shooting through him as he fell to the floor. Each breath increased the pain, a thought that he had broken a rib entering his thoughts as he tried to stand one last time.

A blow to the head sent him back down, and the pain shooting through his chest blanked out any thoughts.

”End simulation!” That wasn’t his voice. That wasn’t his hand pushing his hair back, shaking. Keith blinked (the lights were too bright now), squinting up at... Shiro? Was that Shiro? “Stay still, Keith. Your head is bleeding, and you’re not breathing well.” A finger came into his vision, or was it two fingers? “Follow.” It (they) moved side to side, and Keith tried to follow it with his eyes best he could. “Damn it.”

(Afraid.)

”And the cryopod-” Shiro broke off, inhaling sharply. “Keith. Listen to me. It looks like you may have a concussion, and I’m not liking how shallowly you’re breathing. You need to go to the cryopod.”

(I can’t breathe.)

”I’ll be right there. I promise. I’ll get you out if something happens.”

”You’re afraid of me.” Keith blinked as he realized he had slurred those words out.

Shiro’s hand carefully came down, touching his head. “Keith. We’ll talk about this later. Right now, you need to go to the cryopod.”

”You’re afraid something will happen to me. To all of us.” Slowly, Keith started to stand. The room swam nauseatingly around, making him stumble into Shiro. “‘m afraid you won’t be okay,” he whispered. “I didn’t want to be Galra.”

(Trust them.)

(You’re Galra.)

(Trust them with your Galra heritage.)

Keith’s eyes started to close. It was dizzying, standing like this. Then, suddenly, he wasn’t standing. Shiro was carrying him. He glared up at Shiro, but closed his eyes again once Shiro started walking.

It hurt to breathe.

(I can’t breathe.)

He barely felt Shiro put him in the cryopod.

Then-

Blackness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SLAMS DOWN THE VODKA AND COFFEE* LET'S DO THIS YOU NERDS TWO UPDATES IN ONE DAY.

(They can’t save you.)

(Not always.)

(Shut up.)

* * *

Lance had joined Shiro when Keith finally exited the cryopod. His head still hurt a little, his ribs felt a little tender, but he was okay. (I can breathe.) The worry smoothed from Lance’s face, and he just looked angry. “You asshole, what the hell were you doing that got you put into the cryopod?”

”Lance.” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder.

”No, I want to know. Keith’s been running long enough. He should answer at least one thing.”

”I don’t know,” Keith admitted. “I just- needed to relax.” He put a hand on one shoulder, digging his fingers in and rolling it back. “Look, say what you want to, but I know everyone on this ship is afraid of me.”

”We’re not afraid of you,” Shiro told him.

”Pissed as fuck at you, but not afraid,” Lance chimed in.

Keith grit his teeth. “Hunk almost jumped out of his skin when I talked to him. Shiro has nightmares about me. You’re telling me you’re not afraid of me? Of the fact I’m Galra?”

The hand on his shoulder surprised him, making Keith look up into Shiro’s face. “How I feel about the Galra doesn’t make me afraid of you,” he said firmly. “My nightmares-”

(He dreams about you. They’re nightmares. Of not being able to save you.)

( _Shut up._ )

”I get it,” Keith interrupted. “I know.”

”You don’t get shit!” Lance shouted at him, the words exploding from his lips. “You think we’re afraid of you? How about we’re afraid that you won’t talk to us anymore? That you’ll run off and do something dumb because you’re not talking to us? That you’ll choose to do something dumb like _go too far in training and get your ribs broken and a concussion_ because you won’t talk to us and you think it’s the right thing to do?

”You thought I would be a spy!” Keith yelled back.

”Because I didn’t know if you would decide because you realized you were Galra that you had to do that and you wouldn’t talk to us!

”Lance!” Shiro barked out, turning to him.

(Trust. Trust them with your Galra heritage.)

”I thought you would hate me!”

That made both of them stop. Lance took a deep breath, while Shiro turned back to him. “No,” Shiro started, Lance shaking his head. “It was a shock.”

”The fact you knew you weren’t human and didn’t tell anyone made me angry,” Lance chimed in. “I was pissed, but I didn’t hate you. I could tell by how Allura acted she was feeling the same. That we were pissed you kept the fact you knew you were something other than human from us.”

”So that’s why we haven’t formed Voltron,” Keith said bitterly. “You can’t get over that. You can’t stop being angry at me.”

Lance looked away while Shiro looked uncomfortable.

(They won’t save you. They’re too angry at you.)

( _Shut up._ )

”I’m going to bed,” he told them. “My ribs still hurt.” With that, he turned to leave, his hands shaking by his side.

(They’re afraid for you. That you will die on their watch.)

(They’re angry at you. They won’t save you.)

(You’re going to die and they’re going to blame themselves.)

( _Shut up._ )

* * *

(Hunk is afraid of me.)

(Pidge is treating me like a science experiment.)

(Shiro and Lance are angry at me.)

(They won’t save me.)

(Shut up. I don’t need you.)

* * *

He didn’t train with the gladiators after that.

Keith wound the tape around his hands, eyeing the punching bag.

It would do.

* * *

(Allura hates me.)

(She’s being strong. She’s stronger than me, forgiving me for hiding what I am.)

(She’s always been strong.)

* * *

(I’ll never belong again.)

( _Shut up._ Shut up, shut up, _shut up._ )

(You know it’s true.)

(...)

* * *

”Hey. Can... we talk?”


	7. Chapter 7

”Huh? Yeah, of course.” Hunk put down his mixing bowl, and Keith noticed his hands only shook a little bit. “What’s up?”

(Don’t even start. Shut up.)

”Are you afraid of me?” he asked bluntly, keeping his hands by his sides.

”What? No.” Then Hunk looked away, uncomfortable. “Well, yeah, kinda. You have claws! Claws are scary. But you’re Keith, and you’re not going to hurt me with those claws. So I guess I’m not afraid of _you_.”

”Are you angry with me?”

”No!” Hunk’s eyes were wide, guileless. “Never!”

(Trust.)

(Family.)

* * *

”Hold up.” Pidge tapped out a few more lines of code, her face a mask of concentration. “There.” Her fingers quickly saved her progress, and she turned to Keith. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

”Do you hate me?”

Pidge’s eyes went round behind her glasses. “Holy _shit_ Keith, what the quiznak?! Where is this coming from?”

”You only talk to me when it comes to fixing that cryopod,” he told her bitterly. “You’re treating me like a Galra science experiment.

Pidge looked away. “I don’t know how to talk to you,” she mumbled. “I mean- you’re Galra. I don’t know if I’m doing it right.”

”I’m still Keith. Just like you were still Pidge after we found out you’re a girl.”

The words hit her, and she folded in on herself. “So in other words, just talk to you like before,” she said, the bitterness aimed inward. “I’m such an idiot.”

(Family.)

Keith came over, resting a hand awkwardly on her head. “It’s okay.”

(... they love you.)

* * *

”End simulation.” Lance holstered his bayard, turning to Keith. “What do you want?”

The words made his skin prickle. “I want to know-”

”If I’m scared of you? If I’m angry with you? If I hate you? You do know Hunk and Pidge have already talked to me and Shiro because they feel like assholes for what they’ve done.”

”And?” Keith shot back.

Lance sighed. “We kinda are assholes. I didn’t realize you thought we hated you. I don’t hate you, dumbass. You’re an idiot, but you’re my friend and rival. I’m not about to hate you for being a fucking Galra, or even keeping it from us. Hell, I’m not even as angry as before. Still pissed at you, but goddamn it, Keith. You really think we’d _hate_ you over a little thing like you’re not human?”

Something relaxed in Keith. “We’re fighting the Galra,” he pointed out. “The possiblity’s there.”

”Yeah, well, it’s pretty obvious you’re still your dumbass antisocial self that needs to work on the antisocial part.” Lance came over, clasping him roughly on the shoulder. “Though if you keep anything like this again, I will be really pissed at you.”

Keith laughed a little at that. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

(They love you.)

* * *

Allura looked up her book. “Hm? What’s wrong?”

”Allura, I know what the Galra has done to your people. You have more reason than most on this ship to hate me.” Keith took a deep breath as Allura put down her book, her face a mask of emptiness.

”I don’t hate you,” she said quietly. “And I feel strange that I don’t. And yet not. You are part of what murdered my people, and yet I know you wouldn’t do such a thing. I know you are a Paladin of Voltron for a reason. So I cannot hate you. My anger at you even cooled quite quickly, leaving me embarrassed for how I overreacted when I found out your Galra heritage.”

(Family.)

She sighed, standing and coming over to him. One slim dark hand touched his shoulder as she smiled. “No matter what, Keith, we are all here for you. Don’t ever forget that.”

(Trust.)

* * *

Shiro motioned for Keith to sit next to him. “I had hoped to speak with you soon,” he told him. “I hear you’ve been talking with the rest of the crew.”

He nodded, mumbling “I have” under his breath.

Shiro clasped his shoulder, making him look up at him. “We’ve never hated you,” he said gently. “And despite being angry at you, we never stopped loving you. My nightmares- I realized on that mission that I could lose my team at any time. That my actions could cause any of you to die. They came on because of my decisions, not anything that you did.”

”You freaked out when I yelled at Lance and slammed my hands on the table,” he pointed out.

Shiro took back his hand, rubbing his face. “Pidge could have done the same and I would have reacted exactly as I did. I was... running on very little sleep that day.”

(Family.)

(They love you.)

”Shiro,” he finally said. “Are you still angry at me?”

Shiro studied him for a moment. “No,” he told him, his voice firm. “I’m not.”

Keith took a shuddering breath. “Thank you.”

* * *

They didn’t form Voltron.

(But was he ready to stop being angry at himself?)


	8. Chapter 8

They didn't form Voltron today.

(It’s your fault.)

They almost lost. Lance managed to swing around at the last second and save Shiro.

(It's your fault.)

Keith sat up in bed, looking down at his hands (claws). They hadn't formed Voltron. (Because of you.) (They should be able to form Voltron now. They don’t hate you.)

(But it’s because of you.)

He stood suddenly, grabbing a tank top. He knew how to take care of these circling thoughts.

(Won’t change the fact it’s your fault.)

* * *

(“Talk to them” one part of him says.)

(“It’s your fault” another part says.)

(He can’t explain that.)

* * *

Pidge got hurt.

(It’s your fault.)

* * *

(“Talk to them.”)

(What can he say?)

* * *

(“It’s your fault.”)

(It’s your fault. It’s your fault for not telling them, for making them angry at you. For making them afraid of you.)

* * *

The bag barely moved under each impact of his fists.

(It’s your fault.)

(... shut up...)

(It’s your fault.)

”Shut up!” he screamed, slamming his fist into the punching bag.

(It’s because you’re Galra. If you weren’t Galra, you wouldn’t be such a failure.)

(He needed to shave his ears.)

(It wouldn’t matter. Doesn’t change the fact you’re Galra.)

”Shut up.” Keith whispered the words, leaning his head against the bag. He inhaled sharply, wiping his nose with his thumb. “Shut up, I’m not-”

(Yes you are.)

* * *

He needed to talk to someone. Allura. Hunk. Shiro. Hell, Lance.

(They won’t understand.)

* * *

They knew something was wrong. It was pretty obvious. But every time he went to open his mouth, every time he started to approach someone, his voice stopped. He couldn’t speak.

(Galra scum.)

* * *

Keith took a step back, eyeing the punching bag. It was getting to the point that he spent more time down here than in his room, if he was to be honest. But it was a place he felt comfortable. It was a place he could stay active and (try to) get the racing thoughts out.

(Try.)

(Doesn’t change what you are.)

”Shut up,” he gritted out.

(You’re Galra. Nothing you can do will take that out of your veins.)

”Shut up.”

(You’re the useless one on the team right now, aren’t you? The reason they can’t form Voltron. All because you wouldn’t tell anyone you’re not human.)

Keith snarled, a noise he couldn’t remember making before rising to his lips, and grabbed the punching bag. Viciously, he dug his claws in and dragged downward, the sound of the bag ripping filling the air.

It felt good.

Over and over, he clawed the bag, ripping it to shreds. Finally, he stepped back, surveying his handiwork. The ruined bag spilled over the floor, sand still rushing through the rends in the leather.

”What the quiznak, Keith?!”

Slowly, he turned to face Lance. “What,” he snarled flatly.

Lance spluttered, hand gesturing to the punching bag. “That, that’s what! Seriously man, what the fuck? What the fuck were you thinking?! We don’t have that many of those!”

Keith’s upper lip rose at that. “Whatever.”

For a moment, Lance just looked at him. Just looked at him, his face crossing with different emotions.

Then Lance walked over to him and decked him across the face.

”You goddamn asshole!” he hollard. “What do we have to do, sit on you until you talk to us?”

Keith lifted his hand, holding his jaw. Being with Shiro and Allura had given Lance some perks, such as two strong people that knew how to fight teaching their third their tricks. That was one hell of a punch. “Shut up.”

”I’m not going to shut up until you tell me what the fuck is wrong.”

A growl built in Keith’s throat, and his hand thrust out, claws aiming to take out Lance’s eyes.

Only for Lance to grab his arm and throw him to the ground. Keith managed to roll over as Lance stepped on his outstretched arm, pinning it as he knelt down, grabbing his head. “Tell me what the fuck is wrong!” he yelled. “Don’t you fucking get it, Keith? This isn’t about Voltron or any of that. It’s about the fact something’s not right!”

”Yeah, and it’s me!”

The two of them froze, staring at each other. “Come again?” Lance asked, slowly.

”You can’t form Voltron because of me,” he grit out, flexing his pinned hand. “Because everything that happened is my fault. Because I’m Galra, and I don’t-”

”Stop,” Lance placed a shaking hand over his mouth. “If I hear something about how you’re worthless because you’re Galra or because you gave us one hell of a shock when we found out that you are, I am going to beat you black and blue and then I am going to give you the _biggest goddamn hug of your life._ And I can do it. Shiro and Allura have taught me a few things you don’t know. Fucking hell, man.” His hand fell away, and Keith swore he could see tears gathering in Lance’s eyes. “Why won’t you talk to us?” He moved his foot off Keith’s arm, sitting next to him as Keith pulled himself upright. Then, he grabbed him, pulling him into said hug. “You goddamn dumbass,” he mumbled into Keith’s shoulder.

(He’s hugging me.)

The ceiling was blurry. Why was the ceiling blurry?

(He’s not calling me worthless.)

His breath came harsher in his chest. 

(He doesn’t think I’m Galra scum.)

Keith hugged Lance back. “This is the only time this is happening,” he mumbled as Lance laughed.

”I’m already denying this is happening.”

(Your family trusts you. Your family loves you.)

(You’re not worthless to your family.)

(Now just not be worthless to yourself.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning on one more chapter to this. So it's almost done.
> 
> Unfortunately, my brain came up with "well, what if the Galra found out about Keith's heritage" and went down that rabbit hole. I'm not going there in this fic, but... hands up if you want me to actually do that. I will warn my brain is throwing at me tags like "torture" and "implied/referenced rape" and "rape recovery."


	9. Chapter 9

(Talk to them.)

”Hey, Shiro? ... nevermind.”

* * *

(I’m not worthless. I’m not Galra scum. If Lance of all people can think differently, I’m worth something.)

”Everything okay there, Keith?”

”Hm? Yeah, thanks for asking, Pidge.”

* * *

(Hunk can really bake.)

* * *

”You’re lucky we had more than one of these,” Lance huffed, setting the bag on the hook. “You sure you don’t want to spar with me or Shiro?”

Keith looked down at his hands (claws) and took a deep breath. “I could claw you up,” he said reluctantly, forcing the words out.

Lance waved his hand. “Whatever. I can take a few hits. Can’t be any worse than Allura and Shiro ganging up on me.”

”Sparring or in the bedroom?”

That made Lance turn bright red. “S-shut up! Say it again and I’ll beat your ass, I dare you!”

Keith laughed, winding tape around his hands. “Maybe later, Lance.”

(Who would’ve guessed Lance would be family?)

* * *

”Keith, do you want to talk?”

”I- maybe later, Shiro.”

* * *

”Hey.” Keith looked up at Pidge’s voice. “So, um... was it hard for you too?”

He blinked at the question. “What do you mean?”

Pidge sat down next to him, blowing out a breath. “I mean- with your body. I can’t be the only one that looks in a mirror and didn’t see the right thing.”

Keith sighed. “Pidge, I-”

”You shaved your ears. Someone doesn’t do that lightly.”

His fingers reflexively reached up, feeling the long tufts (he needed to shave his ears) (no. He didn’t) (it didn’t matter anymore). “I did it because I had to be human,” he said slowly, trying to piece the words together. “Because I was at the Garrison, and everyone there was human.”

”Like how I wear a sports bra constantly to squish what little I have down.” Pidge sighed, leaning forward. “Because everyone at the Garrison expected to see a boy.”

Keith blinked at her. “You still-”

”It’s useful. They don’t get in the way this way. But... I kinda don’t want to. I kinda want to grow my hair out again, wear dresses... be Katie.”

Silence fell between them. “I let them grow out when I was expelled,” Keith told her. “No one was around, so I didn’t have to pretend. So I guess... yeah. It was hard for me too.”

Pidge smiled at him. “Body dysphoria siblings for the win.”

Keith laughed a little at that.

(She didn’t even hesitate in calling me a sibling.)

* * *

(Hunk can _really_ bake. And it’s _really_ good.)

(And his hands have stopped shaking.)

* * *

”C’mon.”

”No, Lance.”

* * *

”Shiro...”

(It’s okay.)

”... I think I might need a hug.”

(That sounds so pathetic.)

(Shut up. I need it.)

* * *

”C’mon!”

”You whined for a full week the last time you got a black eye in _training_ from _Shiro._ How long are you going to whine if I cut your arm?”

”I won’t whine!”

* * *

”It’s your fault Lance is whining.”

”Shut up, Pidge. He pushed me into it.”

* * *

(You’re pathetic.)

(Yeah but I have family.)

(And they accept I’m Galra.)

* * *

Forming Voltron was a rush. The feeling of everything melding together, coming to form a new whole. Of knowing he was part of something bigger, better.

Keith grinned, pulling the blade out as Voltron took a defensive stance, watching the Galra come.

He welcomed them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hear you buzzing, a fly on the wall  
>  In through the window and up through the hall  
>  Flying in circles just trying to land  
>  I see you hurting, I do what I can  
>    
>  But I won't save you  
>  I won't save you  
>    
>  Maybe you're looking for someone to blame  
>  Fighting for air while you circle the drain  
>  Never be sorry for your little time  
>  It's not when you get there, it's always the climb  
>    
>  But I won't save you  
>  I won't save you  
>    
>  I won't save you  
>  I won't save you
> 
> In Circles, Darren Korb feat. Ashley Barrett. ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGMWL8cOeAU), [x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMyoI-Za6z8))
> 
> I never expected this to be as popular as it is. Thank you all so much. I love you all.


End file.
